I can't keep track of my hospital time. It all sort of blurs together. Evel Knievel
Last month I got another new belly button. I was in the hospital. For 17 consecutive days, I was tortured, strangled, bled, beaten, starved, hobbled, weighed like cattle, sleep deprived, and connected to more machinery than the Large Hadron Collider. My bowels were monitored like the CIA monitors Putin. Yes, and I was given yet another new belly-button. I don't know why.
What the heck? Although the exact
I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.
Walt Disney
I had a date with myself last Friday night. I made something special for dinner, and popped some corn, and bought an actual Coca-Cola and some Red Vines. I get movies at home via Amazon dot com, so I cued up "Saving Mr. Banks." I love Tom Hanks. I love Walt Disney. I loved Tom Hanks as Walt Disney. And then there's Emma Thompson (P.J. Travers), another favorite,
The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'
Sigmund Freud
Sorry, but Freud was an idiot. Thirty years of research? Did he ever ask a woman what she wanted?
What do women want? I will tell you. They want HELP! That's right, gentlemen. If you think that women are incredibly complex creatures who cannot ever be pleased, think again. Women will
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Groucho Marx
When I was young, I got to be involved in a lot of “causes.” I was part of the women’s movement, part of the fight for racial equality, and an anti-war protester during the Viet Nam War. We, as the former youth of America, had a lot to say about what was fair, and how we wanted the people in our communities to treat each other. My mother was able to break the bonds of boredom and wifedom to get an education and b
Every season, new Christmas characters are introduced to the public. Mrs. Santa Claus, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, Elf on the Shelf, and now SANTA'S SISTER! What a great way to spread the Christmas joy. Did you know there are currently almost TWO BILLION children in the world? Santa can use all the help he can get! Besides, FAMILY is the best way to share the work and happiness when it comes to the holidays. Don't worry, my brothers. No one can ever replace you!
In
Happy Holidays!
In the upoming weeks, the calendar shows holidays for many different faiths and cultures. Some of them are: Thanksgiving, Hannukah, Advent, Saint Nicholas, Bodhi Day, Saint Lucy's Day, Winter Solstice, Soyal, Yalda, MĹŤdranih, Saturnalia, Pancha Ganapati, Christmas Eve, and of course our beloved Christmas, which encompasses both Christian and pre-christian celebrations and traditions from all over the world. GO ODIN!
We are thankful, that America is a land of considerable r
Western funerals: black hearses, and black horses, and fast-fading flowers. Why should black be the colour of death? Why not the colours of a sunset?”
― Daniele Varè, The Maker of Heavenly Trousers
My daughter has four mothers.
Like most human children, my daughter, Katey, started out with just one mother. After her father’s remarriage, she graduated to two. Me, and the “other mother.” When my daughter married Bill, she got two additional bonus mothers - - her husband’s birth mother and
I love costumes. I love getting dressed up because it really helps my imagination make the leap to believe that I am who I say I am.
Alessandro Nivola
Costumes are the first impression that you have of the character before they open their mouth - -it really does establish who they are.
Colleen Atwood
Gentle Holiday Readers,
It is time once again to start dusting off our holiday attire and seasonal decorations and gadgets. I'm always inspired at the beginning of autumn to decorate t
Kids!
I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!
Kids!
Who can understand anything they say?
Kids!
They a disobedient, disrespectful oafs!
Noisy, crazy, dirty, lazy, loafers!
And while we're on the subject:
Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue!
Kids!
But they still do just what they want to do!
Why can't they be like we were,
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?
From the Musical “Bye-Bye Birdie”
Don’t cry for me, Argentina. I
Sittin' in the morning sun
I'll be sittin' when the evening comes
Watching the ships roll in
Then I watch them roll away again, yeah
I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay
Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh
I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay
Wastin' time
Dear Readers,
On August 1st, a sign outside the Palisade High School read "Summer's Almost Over." Boy, did that make me sad. Technically, summer was only HALF over, and the thought that someone would proclaim otherwise was freaki
I had the great pleasure of meeting Santa Bill and Bestemor Claus when they came through Grand Junction yesterday. Our time was too short, but my granddaughter, Abby, enjoyed a magical visit with Santa Bill!
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Santa Bill knew all about Abby and her brothers, what they got for Christmas last year, how old she was, and so
The bear went over the mountain
The bear went over the mountain
The bear went over the mountain
To see what she could see
The other side of the mountain
The other side of the mountain
The other side of the mountain
Was all that she could see
Greetings, my holiday friends. I have finally completed my move from Boulder, Colorado to "the western slope," or Palisade, Colorado, to be exact. For those of you who have asked "why Palisade," my first answer is that my children (and three of m
I auditioned for the role of an angel in the Nativity play at school. I didn't get it. I auditioned for Mary; didn't get it. So I made up the character of the sheep who sat next to Baby Jesus. Nicole Kidman
Although he started out as pagan as the next demi-god, Nick was eventually converted to Christendom, while I was still firmly embedded in a more magical culture - - the fairies, the gnomes, the elves that Nick wound up using at the workshop. Frankly, we came from elf and fairy stock, and t
Now I lay me down to sleep
Beside my bed a Glock I keep
If I awake and you’re inside
The coroner’s van
Will be your last ride
Posted on Santas on Facebook
Greetings. I am Santa’s Sister, and I am a pacifist. This year, as you may know, I joined the "Society of Santa's" to spread joy and enlightenment throughout the universe. When I signed on to Santas on Facebook, I immediately "friended" several hundred Santas, thinking how grand it was to have such a vast number of benevolent citiz
“Often, a school is your best bet - - perhaps not for education, but certainly for protection from an undead attack.”
― Max Brooks, The Zombie Survival Guide
Greetings. My name is Ms. Santa Nana and I am Santa’s SISTER. Did you know the average Santa is 60 years old, between 180-220 pounds, and between 5’8” and 6’? I’m all that - - and more! Now I have a degree in Santa Clausology.
This last weekend, I attended School 4 Santas, presented by world-renowned Santa Timothy Connaghan, at a clu
