Sorry, but Freud was an idiot. Thirty years of research? Did he ever ask a woman what she wanted?

What do women want? I will tell you. They want HELP! That's right, gentlemen. If you think that women are incredibly complex creatures who cannot ever be pleased, think again. Women will tell you specifically what they need help with. But, you have to LISTEN, and do what they tell you.

Here is an example. When you get home, find your wife and observe what she is doing. Then, kiss her gently on the check and say these words: "what can I do to help you?" If she is cooking dinner, she may say any of the following "can you please empty the trash?" "can you take the dog for a walk" "can you get the kids out of the kitchen until I'm done?" Do at least one of these tasks before you grab a beer from the fridge. Do not under any circumstances say these words to your beloved: "in a minute." Once I was falling off a ladder, holding onto a light fixture and calling frantically for my husband to help me. He kept saying - - "okay, in a minute . . . " until I finally fell off the ladder and fractured my arm.

If you have returned home and your woman is in the garden, ask her "what can I do to help you?" Then grab that shovel and dig a hole for her. Go to the hardware store if you don't have the right shovel. Pick up some geraniums and a bag of dirt. Ask her first, though - - what color geraniums do you prefer? She has a plan for the garden. It includes colors and textures and fragrances.

Is your lady in the garage? "What can I do to help you?" Then clean off that work shelf and find the screwdriver she needs. Not "in a minute." Now. Do at least one thing before you go and flop into that easy chair.

Are people coming to visit? "What can I do to help you, my darling?" Change the sheets on the guest bed (by the way, this includes the pillowcases, guys)? Sweep? Clean the bathroom? She'll tell you. She has a plan. She sees the big picture.

Put gas in her car. Wash the darn thing. Scrape the snow off her windshield on a frosty morning. Fix those closet doors. Take the vacuum in to be serviced. Give the kids a bath and read them a bedtime story. Mend the screen door. Bring her a clean set of towels. Pick up your socks. Just help the lady out, will ya?

And, finally, if you ask her "what can I do to help you" and your wife or loved one says to you "nothing." You're in BIG trouble. Better go get some flowers, or jewelry, or chocolate, or something she has TOLD you she likes. (Maybe she likes Nascar, for all I know - - but she better have told you that, mister!)

The little lady does so much for you and everyone else - - and she can use a little love - - and a lot of help!

Santa Nana

Nana's hint for the week: When you speak highly of the girls and women in your life to others, you set an example for all those around you, most especially your children. By showing respect to others, the world becomes a kinder, gentler place for all of us to live together in peace and harmony. And bluebirds will alight on the shoulder of your princess and woodland creatures will sing.